My youngest son has a friend in prison right now. He and his wife are going to visit this friend this Thursday. We were discussing it last night and I told him how proud I was of them deciding to go there and visit. It is, after all, one of the things Jesus told us to do.
Our conversation led to a discussion about where or how did his friend's parents go wrong. I mentioned, that parenting doesn't have a handbook and lots of times, it is not to be blamed on the parents. Sometimes, when a person leaves home, the world just grabs hold of them and won't let go. Sometimes, it's hanging out with the wrong crowd and sometimes it's heartbreaks or fear that leads one further into trouble. My son feels like his friend's parents babied the guy too much. He talked about how the mother even used to call in sick for his buddy so he wouldn't have to go to school or go to work. He mentioned his friend did not have much of a relationship with his dad...it seems that his dad was always working....even though he is a very good man; you know...Christian and all that jazz.
This of course led us to talking about "tough love". You've heard of it before. It's when a parent allows the child to experience the results or consequences of a mistake and enforces that child to take responsibility for their actions. That leads to learning, that leads to character building.
My son wanted to know how a father should learn to administer tough love. Again, no handbook. I told him he has to be very careful to make sure that the situation calls for it. If it's given under the wrong circumstances, it could hurt more than help. God is a lot like that. It's where that old saying probably comes from, you know. It's the one where we say "God will not make me endure more than what He knows I can take." Some of us need to have more tough love than others. I know...I am one.
Pray for my son as his son turns one year old this month. And pray for parents that don't know the consequences of holding back tough love.
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